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Operation: A.R.C.H.I.V.E./Transcript
episode begins on a computer screen surfing through the KND Databases. Computer: Now, accessing historical databases. clicker moves to the files that reads "The Age of Spinach," "The Origin of the KND," and "The Creation of Adults." The clicker clicks on "The Creation of Adults" file. Computer: You have selected historical file number 7-23-68: The Creation of Adults. the scene changes to the planet Earth and children are playing. Narrator/Numbuh 1: In the beginning, there were children. And for a time, it was pretty cool. The kids played on the beaches, explored the wild forests, and relaxed in the fields. The world was their big, endless playground. Girl: leaves Over here! see children building treehouses, jumping on the beds, and throwing toilet paper. Narrator/Numbuh 1: They built themselves simple treehouses and they lived without rules or naptimes. But it was not long before they became bored as children do. children are now sitting around doing nothing. Narrator/Numbuh 1: Soon, their perfect society gave way to laziness. kid throws a soda can. Then we see the children, in scientific outfits, using a machine in order to create the first adult. Narrator/Numbuh 1: Thus, did children decide to create adults in their own image. Only fatter, funnier looking, and bigger so they can reach cereal boxes on high shelves. turn the knobs to make the adult fat, funny, and bigger. Then they fired the laser at the experiments and the first adult is fully created. The adult appeared as an old man with dorky glasses and a funny face. The adult looks at the kids and the kids start laughing at him. The adult smiled and soon more adults were created. Narrator/Numbuh 1: The children dressed the adults in stupid outfits so they could laugh at them. And gave them goofy names like Mr. Pluppet. traffic light clings. Narrator/Numbuh 1: The adults, loyal and eager to please, worked tirelessly to do the children's bidding. Making them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cleaning up all of their messes, and building larger and more elaborate treehouses for children to play in. adult is seen hammering a nail. He hits his thumb with the hammer and screams in pain. The children laugh at the man's agony. Narrator/Numbuh 1: And yet, the adults got no respect from children. These strange short-legged creatures with snot running down their noses. With the adults already overworked and given no time to themselves, the children demanded that they construct the coolest monument yet. A grand treehouse. One larger than all of the treehouses before it. That all of kiddom could live in and play. And they called it the Super-Double-Mega-Tripple-Treehouse. The adults worked endlessly around the clock to keep this seemingly impossible vision while still keeping up with their cooking, lawn mowing, and attending to their children's wills. Like playing horsey. Kid in cowboy outfit: on Mr. Wigglestein Yee-haw! Woo-woo-woo-woo! Whoa! Giddy-yap, boy! Whoo-hoo! Ride 'em! Narrator/Numbuh 1: It was not long before seeds of dissent took root. Wigglestein loses his temper. Then we see him at his trial. Narrator/Numbuh 1: Mr. Wigglestein. A name that will never be forgotten. He was the first of his kind to rise up against children in what would come to be known as the really bad that happened. At Mr. Wigglestein's trial, the prosecution argued for a child's right to play horsey whenever and as much as he or she wanted. But Mr. Wigglestein testified that he'd had a rough day at work and just didn't feel like playing horsey. Pressed to the point of madness by his child's constant whining, Mr. Wigglesteirn finally snapped. In a blind rage, he grabbed the child and rapidly paddled his bottom with his hand. This new rather stingy act was from then on called spanking and forever changed the relationship between kids and adults. The furious leaders of children quickly ordered the immediate exile of Mr. Wigglestein and every one of his kind from every treehouse on the planet. Banished from Childland, the adults set off to find their own promised land. A place without treehouses where children wouldn't always complain and jump up and down on the bed. A place they could call home. They christened this new place Cleveland and in time it prospered. The adults build suburban houses, went to lecture series, and ate liverwurst sandwiches. see the adults running a factory making [[Rainbow Monkeys].] Narrator/Numbuh 1: Eventually, their industries bred products that not even childhood could resist. And they called them toys. But the adults demand for money, made it difficult for children to obtain these toys without having to stoop to tasks like delivering newspapers and mowing lawns for the adults. The children were outraged. Why should they be forced to pay for the adults' creations when the adults were creations of their own? Many among wish to simply take the toys, but knew they could not do so. So long as adults have the painful threat of spanking over them. So, the children devised a desperate act. One that kids will attempt a gain in the future with similarly disastrous results. The destruction of coffee. The adults' energy source. Without it, the children could march right into Cleveland and take the toys from the cranky and powerless adults. see the children flying in their planes, launching water balloons to attack Cleveland. Narrator/Numbuh 1: The prolonged bombing of Cleveland's coffee shops lasted for weeks. But unlike the children delicately and shoddily crafted treehouses, the adult coffee shops had nothing to fear from water balloons. adults take out umbrellas and look up angrily at the sky. We then see Mr. Wigglestein, aka Father, leading a conference. Father: Fellow adults, the age of children is over! Narrator/Numbuh 1: Outraged at the children's unwarranted attack, the adults decided that children needed what they called the Big Time Out. Time Out sign blinks on and off on the screen. Then we see the children at the Super-Double-Mega-Tripple-Treehouse gathering and preparing for war against the adults. They waited and waited until they see the adults arrive in a giant robot with multiple arms. Leader: CHARGE!!! children charge towards the robot at full speed while some fired water balloons with the water cannons. But to their surprise, it turns out that there is more than one robot with multiple arms. The children are completely outnumbered. Leader: RUN AWAY LIKE LITTLE GIRLS!!! children turn and ran for their lives. Several robots grabbed some of the kids and start spanking them with the robots' arms. The children in planes attempt to attack the robots from above by dropping water balloons. However, it wasn't enough. The robots grabbed the planes and shakes the children out. The robots crush the planes and proceed in spanking the kids. Boy: Oh, that stings! Oh, it hurts! Oh, the pain! Oh, that's gonna leave a mark! Leader: Pull back! Pull back! Retreat! Retreat! robots destroy the water cannons. Boy: The stinginess! Ah! The stinginess! Oh, my- robots chop down the treehouses. Narrator/Numbuh 1: Thus, did Cleveland's troops advanced outward in every direction. And one by one, the treehouses of children fell. It was not long before childhood's greatest monument, the very symbol of their greed, came under attack and the children ran away. rocket that contains every children on the planet launches into the sky. All of the adults cheer. Woman: Ha, ha! Victory! Man: That hurt them more than it hurt me! Narrator/Numbuh 1: With the fall of the Super-Double-Mega-Tripple-Treehouse, the children fell back to the only remaining place where they could escape the powerful adults. The moon. Satisfied with their victory over the Earth, the adults allowed the children to live on the moon where they could make all the noise they wanted. And stay up all night eating candy and watching cartoons. And for a time, it wasn't so bad. But it was not long before children began to yearn for the oceans they once swam in, the forests they once explored, and the toys they once played with on Earth. It was at this very same time that adults fell victim to the same sins of laziness and greed that had befallen the children before them. They missed having kids doing chores for them. Taking out their trash and shoveling snow from their driveways. So, the adult ambassadors came to the moon base with plans for a civil, stable relationship with children. One where they could all live on the Earth in harmony and equality. The children decided to willingly return to the Earth and live together with adults in small groupings called families. Children and adults could finally live together as equals. Or could they?! Soon afterwards, the adults created places to imprison children called schools. Where they drained out all of our memories so that we forget we created them. And if that wasn't bad enough, they invented homework and after-school activities to control us even more. And do you hear that bzzz coming from the fluorescent lights above your heads?! That's the adult microwave cranial gullifiyer slowly turning our brains into milkshakes! And the stuff they serve on Thursdays in the cafeteria?! It's Rainbow Monkey! They're making us eat Rainbow Monkey! And then they make you brush your teeth! Because if your teeth rot out, then they can implant the sub-molar tracking devices they use! It's so they would know if you escaped! It's a lie! Everything you know is a lie! Mr. Frybingle: Mr. Uno... Narrator/Numbuh 1: They're crushing you beneath their heels and you can't even see it! Mr. Frybingle: Mr. Uno, that's enough! Narrator/Numbuh 1: Rise up! Rise up and throw off the oppression! Rise up!!! Mr. Frybingle: I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH!!! in reality, it's been revealed that this is just a report Numbuh 1 is giving out to his class. Numbuh 1: But I was just getting to the good part! Mr. Frybingle: Mr. Uno, that report has absolutely nothing to do with the signing of the Declaration of Independence! Numbuh 1: Doesn't it, Mr. Frybingle? Numbuh 2: I like the part with the giant robot war! airplanes Mr. Frybingle: Well, I like when my students actually use their textbooks to write a report and not their ridiculous imaginations! So, I'm giving you a F--. bell rings and the children leave the classroom. Numbuh 2: Aw, he's crazy, Numbuh 1. How could he not like the part with the water balloons? Oh, and the giant treehouse was so cool! Frybinger takes out his apple-shaped phone and opens it. Mr. Frybingle: They know. Category:Transcripts Category:Season 3 Transcripts